The Brain Below the Waist

We’ve all said it before: men think with their dicks. It’s how they’re wired. And while we hope they will overcome this—either by will or by training—nature usually wins out.

Classic example: Savannah and Ali were on spring break together at the beach. Every day they hauled snacks, floaties, chairs, and sun screen to and from the beach and pool area. They watched the five kids to be sure none of them drowned, wandered off, got too much sun, and ate and drank enough. Their husbands napped, watched sports, and did whatever they wanted to do.

One afternoon, Savannah and Ali were in search of their significant others so they could get everyone ready for dinner. They found their husbands sitting at the beach-side bar talking to an attractive woman in her late 40s.

“Oh hey girls,” said Savannah’s husband Charles. “This is Chard. She recently got divorced and her mom died a couple weeks ago. Isn’t that awful? We are treating her to some drinks to try to help her feel better.”

Rolling their eyes, Savannah and Ali both knew their husbands were getting played by a con artist. Chard? Really? As in chardinay. Whatever. Apparently she had been ordering top shelf while Savannah and Ali quenched their thirst on cheap wine.

“We came to see what you wanted to do for dinner,” Savannah said, looking at Charles and Bruce.

“You know,” said Charles. “We thought we could get some food here at the beach.”

“Ok,” she said. “I’ll go get in line to get the kids some pizza.”

“Why don’t you get Chard and her kids some pizza too? She just got divorced and things are rough right now.”

<< crickets >>

As Savannah and Ali walked away, Bruce shouted after them, “And Chard wants the black and blue salad with prime rib!”

“Of course she does,” Ali said to Savannah, rolling her eyes.

After dinner, the families stayed at the beach a little while longer. Bruce said he and Charles would gather all the towels and pool stuff and take them upstairs with the kids when they were done. Savannah and Ali were thrilled and went to the bar for a drink. Finally, an evening off! When the sky got dark, they left to head upstairs, but took a swing by the pool to be sure there was nothing left behind.

That’s when they saw it: noodles, an alligator inflatable, boogie boards, and inflatable rings. Irritated at the half-done clean-up job, they gathered up everything that was left behind. With noodles stuffed under their armpits, rings looped over their shoulders, and boogie boards pressed against their chests, they walked upstairs.

Savannah didn’t have a free hand for the key card, so when she reached her room, she lightly tapped on the door.

Charles ripped open the door and hush-shouted, “Shhhh! Damnit Savvy, you’re going to wake up the kids!” She just stood there in the hallway staring at him, unable to walk through the door because her arms were gushing with pool toys. Yes, this was all her fault. (Insert hard eyeroll….)

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