March Madness. I don’t really care. At all. But the Ladies Only college basketball bracket event at a local restaurant is a good occasion to at least pretend. Wear some college paraphernalia (or not), and you get to eat and drink unlimited treats for four hours while “watching” the teams fall into place in the brackets.
Breaking the Seal
I had already been to the restroom once. The line wasn’t that bad, so it was a quick trip. This time, though, the line was out the women’s restroom by two people. There was no line outside the men’s restroom, because aside from the wait staff, there were no men at the event. So I knocked and opened the door. There was a woman already in the only stall. I eyed the two urinals; one tall and one short. Naahh, I thought. And the door to the stall opened. Problem solved.
An hour or so later, I needed to make another pitstop. Meri came with me, and this time the line to the women’s restroom was out the door and wound down the hall. A sign reading “Women” had been taped to the men’s restroom door. Perfect. I opened it, and there was someone in the stall again. I eyed the urinal and decided that indeed, I could do this. After all, I had peed standing up all the time (as a child). I really didn’t see how this was any different. So I told Meri to block the door and dropped trow. She threw up her hand to block her eyes and said, “Now I’ve seen all of you.” (See Blog #16: Hibiscus!)
With my pants around my ankles and one leg on each side of the urinal, I leaned forward and began to relieve myself. The woman in the stall came out, looked at me, and asked Meri if she had a camera.
“No! I left my phone at the table!” she replied. (Thank God.)
After a few seconds I felt a little splatter. Then, all of a sudden, pee was running down my leg. I screamed, stopped peeing, and then waddled to the stall with my legs straddled wide. I finished my business and assessed the situation. My thong was soaked, and my jeans were splattered pretty well. The thong was a total loss; I took them off and threw them away. The rest of the day I went bareback. The jeans eventually dried out.
Lesson learned. Apparently, I can’t pee in a urinal.