This is another example of something I said I would never do, only to end up eating my words…and taking it in the ass. This post needs no explanation. It is what it is. A lot of you will say “Mine’s one way only” or “Not on your life.” I’ll tell you not to knock it until you try it. If you use enough lube and get used to “the feeling” by wearing a small butt plug beforehand, it can be enjoyable. So go ahead, give it a try. Take it in the ass. Your man will love you for it.
Now for some short snippets….
Sitting at home one day, I walked by Matthew and let out a little fart. His reply: “I can put my dick in there.” (Inset hard eye-roll.)
A Three-Hole Course
I joined a par three ladies’ golf league with some girlfriends. I have never really enjoyed golf, but I am always up for spending time with my girls. (And frankly, I’m a little afraid that when my kids leave I’ll have nothing to do with Matthew but stare silently at him across the table. I thought this might help. But that’s a different blog….) I went home after my first outing and had had a great time. Matthew could tell I was on a high. He asked if I had a good time. “Yeah! I replied. It was so fun. And we were golfing on a three-hole course, so that made it easier.”
Matthew said, “A three-hole course?”
“Yeah,” I said. “You know, a hole where you are supposed to shoot three times. Oh wait, I meant par three course….I am the three-hole course.”
That Bitch, Martha
Martha is visiting for her five-day staycation, like she does every month. She didn’t used to bother him before, but now he acts all shy around Martha. Like if his dick touches her, it will somehow fall off. (Insert hard eye roll.) So when I would reply to Matthew’s request for sex with, “Martha’s here,” I was sure it would get me out of sex for the next week or so. But then he would say, “It’s ok. You have two other holes.” (See Blog #10: Married Sex.)
This is when you know you have crossed the line from mutually beneficial sex to #ItsAllAboutMe Sex. And by me, I mean him.