The Sybian

Howard Stern

Matthew tries. He really does. He is creative, thoughtful, and deliberate. He works to make our sex life interesting, different, fun. So when he brought home a Sybian, I appreciated the gesture. Appreciated it, yes. But I was a little nervous and even skeptical.

I had only heard about the Sybian on the Howard Stern Show. (Matthew listened to him in the car any chance he got.) On one episode, Stern was interviewing a female guest before and while she used a Sybian. I was a little curious but also a bit appalled as he described it: a saddle with a dildo on top? What is that? How would it work? Why would you do it? And why would you do it in front of Howard Stern???

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Back to me: Matthew showed me the box. I opened it, and after a little investigating I figured out how to secure the attachments. We used it, and then had a nice tussle in bed. I was ready to crash, but had to use the restroom first. (If I don’t pee after sex I get UTIs, but that’s another story.) I washed my hands and cleaned the penile attachments, leaving them to dry on a towel on the counter top. I would put them away in the morning.

The Plumber

The next morning I got up early, got the girls ready, took them to school, and then came home. I didn’t go directly upstairs because I had plenty to keep me busy downstairs. The plumber I had hired arrived around 9 am. I showed him upstairs to my bedroom and pointed him in the direction of my bathroom. He left less than an hour later.

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On Public Display

Around lunchtime, I walked upstairs to work on laundry. I walked through the bathroom to get to my closet so I could grab some hangers. When I walked back toward the bedroom, I looked straight ahead and saw what the plumber no doubt saw each time he walked out of my bathroom to get tools from his truck. Sitting on the floor in all its pink glory was the Sybian. The motorized projectile stood up firmly, erect and ready for any attachment I wanted to put on it. I turned my head to the left, and there, lying beside the bathroom sink, were the penile attachments I had washed the evening before. Washed, yes, but not put away. My friendly plumber had seen those too.

Smack. My. Head.

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