Because Really, Size DOES Matter

This post is going to upset some men, probably the ones who have small dicks. But it needs to be said, and women need to understand that it’s ok to utter the truth: Size does matter.

If you have at least an average-sized dick, you are likely ok if you can develop some techniques to keep things interesting in the sack. Big dick guy, you’re golden. But if you have a small dick? There really is no hope. There is nothing you can do with your Vienna sausage dick or mini-Vlasic-sized pecker to make your girl realize you are in there. There’s no hip gyration, no thrusting movement, no position to make it better.


Short Dick Man

One guy I fucked had a dick the size of your thumb. Not impressive by any means. (It wasn’t even as big as a fun-size Snicker Bar.) But he was a nice guy, and the dude I dated before him cheated on me so I stuck with small-dick man. (See the 20 Fingers song “Short Dick Man.”) That lasted four years, and then I realized that the sex was never, ever going to get any better. No matter what I did, no matter how nice he was, his dick was always going to feel like a Super Max tampon. And let me tell you, that’s not sexual. At all. So I ended it.

Needle Dick

Another poor guy I dated had a dick resembling your pinkie. No, I’m serious. He was a great guy, but when I saw his dick, I was astounded it could be that little. I was optimistic, though, that it would get bigger. Maybe he was a grower, not a shower. It didn’t, and he wasn’t. When we had sex, I was never sure it was ever even in! He assured me it was, so I began to make all the right noises and movements. Finally when he was finished, I just left. I felt so embarrassed for him, it was like I had the small dick. It was that bad.

And if you’re wondering if I ever talked to him again, the answer is no. I’m pretty sure this had happened to him before. He knew the routine.

One thought on “Because Really, Size DOES Matter

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